Quiet confidence: An introvert’s guide to growing through conversation
Turning conversations into growth - my personal story.
As an introverted person, I’ve always struggled with small talk, fitting into new groups, and building relationships with strangers… quickly. Impostor syndrome also played its part. Am I a good enough designer? What if someone asks me a question I can’t answer, or I fail to explain my reasoning effectively?
For a long time, my main sources of knowledge about managing projects, conducting research, and building teams were books, articles, podcasts, and my own successes and failures. I’ve always been fascinated by the world of startups, tech companies, and stories like, for example, how Jonathan Ive and his team developed prototypes, or how Netflix tests new features such as the "Skip Intro" button or the star rating system.
I began wondering how I could deepen my knowledge and gain direct access to people who shape products. LinkedIn came to my rescue.
A few years ago, I started reaching out to people I didn’t know, asking if they’d like to discuss their experiences, the challenges they face at work, where they find inspiration and motivation, and more.
To my amazement, most of them were more than willing to share their insights.
Did I message random people? Not at all. Sometimes I looked for designers in specific companies; other times, I sought professionals with particular expertise. For example, if I was struggling with improving my user research methods, I looked for people experienced in that field. If I wanted to understand the role of a PM and how relationships between PMs and designers evolve, I searched for someone who had worked closely in that dynamic or had led PMs and established internal processes.
Interestingly, whether I spoke with people from companies like Tinder, Google, Miro, or Zendesk—or early-stage startups—the scale of the organization often didn’t matter. What truly stood out was the company culture and the values upheld by the founders, executives, or direct supervisors (but this is a story for another post).
These conversations also helped me evaluate the kind of environment I thrive in. Do I prefer structured processes, cautious decision-making, and extended project timelines, or unpredictable world of startups? Or perhaps I could explore both approaches within a single organization.
What changed in my approach to work was my confidence. Armed with insights from these conversations, I began initiating grassroots efforts and influencing processes. Knowing that someone, somewhere, had succeeded with a particular strategy made me think, “Why not try this and see if it works for us?”
Stories that made a difference
From these conversations, I picked up countless ideas that shaped my approach to work. For instance, introducing a brief “quiet reading” session at the start of weekly reviews can ensure everyone is aligned and make discussions more effective. Another example is creating detailed design documentation that captures the problem, goals, audience, KPIs, and constraints, which helps maintain clarity and focus for everyone involved. These practical insights, among many others, have significantly improved how I collaborate and deliver results.
A question I often get is: how did all this help me feel less like an impostor and embrace my introversion?
Seeing how many people face similar struggles—moments of doubt, insecurity, or feeling inadequate—helped me realize it’s completely normal.
Many of the people I spoke with remain in my professional network to this day. In challenging situations or moments of doubt, I often turn to them, bounce ideas off them, seek their opinions, or listen to how they’ve handled similar challenges. It continues to inspire me.
Ready to take the first step?
Not sure where to start? Simply write: “Hey, I’m struggling with [your issue]. Would you be open to sharing your experience?”
You’ll be surprised by how many people are willing to help. By reaching out, you’re not only expanding your knowledge but also building a network that can support you throughout your career.
And you know what? Most of these people say that the conversation we had was inspiring—and they regret not trying something like this sooner.